Feeling Like You’re Never Enough? Had Enough Of That? Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

My last blog post was all about the value of discovering what fills up your energy tank and learning to nurture yourself without judgement.

 

How’s that going for you?

 

Did you forget all about this because you are just too busy at your job and with your life?

 

Demands around us can be overwhelming for sure.  However believing you’re “too busy” is only a distraction from facing that you may have submitted to a false belief that you have to answer all these demands in an effort to prove your “enough-ness”.  You prove your “enough-ness” by demonstrating your ability to “juggle it all” flawlessly.

 

Let’s face it “juggle it all” simply means keeping other people happy – and we all know it’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time.  What’s really behind this juggling is a fear that we aren’t “enough”.  The juggling distracts us from addressing and healing our sense of “not enough-ness”.  It’s our ego’s desperate quest for “please like me” which can only be experienced when everyone around us knight’s us by declaring “Hear ye, hear ye!  From this day forward let it be known that (insert your full and formal name here) is in fact, a true specimen of ‘enough’ – MORE than ‘enough’!”

 

But the ego is cruel…

 

…the fear it’s desires stem from will only accept approval in a Universal law defying manner.  It seeks approval from situations where approval is not possible due to the Universal law of like energy attracts like energy.  That means that you cannot experience what you don’t believe – so you can’t find yourself in situations where your efforts bring you a sense of peace, accomplishment, and rewards if you hold fear around being “enough”.  The truth is, holding a false belief that you are “not (worthy) enough” in any way can only put you in situations where you will continue to experience the very thing you fear.

 

Ever felt expected to perform impossible feats that stretch your knowledge/skills/abilities/values beyond their limits and only piss insatiable people off in the end no matter what you do?

 

Of course you have – we all have had held that fear of not being enough at one time or another.  We are vulnerable to it when there is a lot of what seems like turmoil happening around us – ESPECIALLY if our livelihood is attached to these situations in any way (i.e. at your job)!

 

Feeling Like You’re Never Enough?  Had Enough Of That?  Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

 

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The Quickest Way to Recover From Feeling Trapped and Burned Out

One thing I learned from self-help pioneer Louise Hay, author of How to Love Yourself, (and countless other self-help books), is that the quickest way to recover from feeling trapped and burned out is to discover (or rediscover), who you are and love yourself for it.  It’s amazing how we change our energy and what we attract when we shift how we view and care for ourselves.

 

In a blog post I wrote earlier this year, I introduced you to the idea of operating from energy vs. effort.  In that post, I asked you which of these 2 formulas were you following at your job…

 

Aptitude (what you can do)

+ Motivation (what you can gain or need to perform)

= Effort (hard work)

 

or

 

Attitude (what you believe about yourself and others)

+ Intention (what you believe others can gain as a result of your contributions)

= Energy (what you effortlessly give to others and attract for yourself in return)

 

Here’s a secret I didn’t share with you in that post – neither formula works optimally without one more factor.  That factor is fulfillment.

 

Fulfillment, in the sense I am referring to, is defined in the dictionary as follows:

  • to make full
  • to meet the requirements of 

 

Practicing fulfillment is about

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Is Your Job Synonymous With Pain And Suffering? Say “YES!”

“Your faith in the Universe must be stronger than your fear of not getting what you want.”  Jen Sincero (author of You are a Badass – How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life)

 

March’s blog posts are all about recovering from job burnout.  You can heal and feel clarified, confident and convicted again – it is possible!  Here’s how…

 

If you are feeling burned out (as evidenced by your chronic exhaustion, royal crab ass attitude, and frustration over never feeling like you can get anything accomplished – at least not without battling miles of red tape and tolerating the unpredictable whims of those with more authority and power than you) – then you probably got there unwittingly.  No one actually thinks “Ya know what would be cool?  I’d love to fight uphill battles all day long for the benefit of people I think are unworthy and unappreciative of my efforts – all while dragging my ass – wouldn’t that be great!?”

 

While we may not think we chose this scenario for our life – we did.  Here’s how it happened…

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You can work smarter not harder. Here’s how…

This month’s blog posts are all about practicing the alternative to joining the burnout club which is joining the strengthen your emotional awareness club.  In that club you find peace and strength in owning what you believe about yourself, the people you work with, and your job situation.  As I said in my last post, “emotional well-being for your work has nothing to do with your job.

 

If you aren’t first emotionally aware of what your work is – the ultimate impact you wish to have on those you serve – then you have restricted your chances of feeling at peace about your job – the place you show up at every day in exchange for wages.

 

Remember, developing greater emotional awareness is a process – like anything else – and my 3 STEP process can help you get there:

 

STEP #1 - realize what you are thinking and feeling

STEP #2 - care for yourself AND others (or maybe it’s better said as for others AND yourself)

STEP #3- just say no – YES! Show favor for what you want – not what you don’t want.

 

Last blog post we looked at STEP #1.  In this post, let’s look closer at STEP #2 which is about learning how to advocate for yourself as well as for others (or others as well as yourself).  STEP #2 has nothing to do with feats of emotional strength that might include a Mr. Universe ability to kiss ass (don’t make any waves), or kill others with kindness niceness (even though you are really disgusted by their behavior) – remember kindness offers truth and caring).  STEP #2 also has nothing to do with developing killer corporate politics instincts such as the fine art of looking out for #1 at the expense of others while making it all look like you care about others or corporate initiatives.  If you are all about yourself at work – trust me, everyone knows it and you are fooling no one.

 

STEP #2 is actually about

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Feeling Burned Out at Work? You Don’t Have to Join the Club!

The other day, The Wall Street Journal published an article by Rachel Feintzeig entitled Feeling Burned Out at Work?  Join the Club.  The article is about how the burnout problem appears to be worsening which is driving up turnover and health costs for companies.  It discusses how companies contribute to burnout creating cultures that include universal factors such as:

  • job uncertainty
  • an expectation that you always be in work mode thanks to technology or being responsible for people and initiatives happening in other countries – who doesn’t love a conference call at 2:00 AM?
  • an ever-present “do more with less” expectation

 

But have companies single-handedly created these cultures or have workers manifested these factors from their fear-based beliefs born during times of economic uncertainty?  In other words, is the workforce truly a victim of economic capitalism at its worst or are we powerful creators who still haven’t learned to wake up to and hold true to who we are, what we have to offer, and what it takes for us to provide our skills and services especially in times of economic uncertainty or in the face of fear-filled leaders who falsely believe the way to endure hard times is to pass a burden of giving more and receiving less onto their most valued commodity – their human resources?

 

Although there is so much companies can do to address this epidemic, workers simply cannot rest their laurels on their righteousness that companies are just not doing enough to help their employees heal.  Workers must rise up to realize that although they are right that companies are wrong to enable these factors for short-term gains, it doesn’t justify throwing in the towel by settling for short-term solutions to address their sense of dwindling energy, power, and emotional (which drives physical) well-being.

 

If you are feeling burned out, your spirit is broken and only you can actually fix it.  Companies know this – they make amends with the only solutions their fears will allow – band-aid solutions such as yoga or meditation at work.  I’m not trashing either practice – both are fabulous and if your company offers them – be grateful.  However they alone are not the solution that will heal you.  You must find and engage in solutions that work for you to be emotionally aware and well.

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The real danger of not fitting in at work

Do you perceive danger for not fitting in with the herd?  We all have felt this at one time or another within our families right?  Heck, there’s even a name for those who don’t follow the family status quo – they’re called the “black sheep” of the family.  At work we might call the one who marches to the beat of a different drummer “the innovator”, “the independent contributor”, or the “creative-types”.

 

“If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.”  Henry David Thoreau

 

Focusing on …

 

aptitude vs. attitude, motivation vs. intention, and effort vs. energy as explained in my last post…

 

… aligns you with exhaustion, cynicism and feeling like everything is an uphill battle because accomplishment is perceived as possible when you ignore or quiet a full exploration and understanding of who you are and what you actually have to effortlessly offer (and be valued for in return).  Consider two different equations:

 

Aptitude (what you can do)

+ Motivation (what you can gain or need to perform)

= Effort (hard work)

 

or

 

Attitude (what you believe about yourself and others)

+ Intention (what you believe others can gain as a result of your contributions)

= Energy (what you effortlessly give to others and attract for yourself in return)

 

Which formula have you habitually followed at work?

 

Have you settled for understanding what you can do/should do/what you believe others expect of you?  Have you focused on what YOU can get or what you need to perform – whining like a baby whenever you don’t get what you need to work hard?  Have you worked so hard that you are now exhausted, cynical and feeling like no matter what you accomplish it’s never enough?

 

Why would you settle for that?  I’ll tell you why.  Because you have falsely perceived danger in not fitting in with the status quo.

 

When we have fear about fitting in – we don’t fit in.  Thinking about fitting in from a place of fear puts all our eggs in the “what’s happening out there is what determines my fate” in here (in this workplace), basket.  Thinking about fitting in from fear still makes us seen as different, but not a good different like Prince, Lady Gaga, David Bowie, or any other admired person of your choice.  Those folks were well-admired and revered whether you like their music or not because they came to perceive the opposite of fear of fitting in – they perceived positively standing out.  Having their uniqueness fully discovered and offered in service to others is what got them celebrated in return.

 

In the workplace, fear of fitting in manifests into us being experienced by others as a performance problem.  That only leads to termination (a quick one if you’re lucky), or endless disabilities and bottomless pits in our stomaches when we think about work.

 

But that’s nothing – we can heal from all of that (granted we will probably only repeat the same pattern at another employer – but that’s another blog post).

 

Here’s the real danger of not fitting in at work…

 

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Got skills? Highly motivated? Working hard? Still not reaping the rewards you deserve? Of course you aren’t, here’s why…

“My success isn’t a result of arrogance – it’s a result of belief.”  Conor McGregor

 

Do you believe that success comes easily when you have some special talent or ability?  Do you believe that motivation is key?  Do you believe it is a by-product of hard work?  Early in my career, I believed those things.  Actually, I still believe success is possible with any of those things – it’s also exhausting, not fun, and can leave you vulnerable for feeling like you ultimately don’t matter anyway no matter how well you get paid.

 

In my many years as an HR executive I have witnessed countless people who were facing performance counseling become upset about not being valued because of…

 

  • what they could do (but of course, weren’t being utilized to their full ability)
  • they are self-motivated (“My boss pays no attention to me and still I get my work done”)
  • how hard they work (they felt they worked hard – why didn’t anyone else?)

 

“How dare other people not see all these wonderful things about me!” was the bubble fixated over their head while they were in their performance counseling meeting.

 

Often, what people fail to absorb is that what you do is never more important than how you impact others.  What you do will never give you power – only this will…

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Tired and burned out at the end of the day? Trapped in your job? That’s just bananas!

“Most of the world has gotten just enough of the bananas to permanently trap themselves right where they are.”  Dr. David Hawkins

 

One of my favorite authors is Dr. David Hawkins.  I recently started reading his latest book Success Is For You:  Using Heart-Centered Power Principles for Lasting Abundance and Fulfillment.

 

The book starts out with a reminder of the story about the experiment of a monkey in a cage and his reaction to bananas that were placed just outside the cage just beyond his reach and opposite the side of the cage that had an open door.  If you know this story you will recall that the monkey struggled to reach the bananas ignoring the open door.  He struggled so much he even injured himself by trying to squeeze through the bars of the cage.

 

Dr. Hawkins uses bananas as a metaphor for all the markers of success you can imagine (money, fame, title, recognition, job security, etc.).  Of course, that makes us the “stop at nothing even if it means killing ourselves in the process” monkey and the cage is our “cube” (as in your cubicle/office/workspace – actually, as in your job!)

 

His point…

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6 Ways to Get Back in The Groove After Your Holiday Haze

Feeling sad that the holidays are over?  I usually feel a bit deflated as I pack away our holiday decor and start the gift exchanging and bill sorting process – but not this year!

 

This year I am excited about keeping the spirit of miracles (like the ones you might experience during the holidays), in my life!  It’s possible (and simple) when you are clear about what matters most to you and you give up trying to make things happen in exchange for letting them happen for you (this is the best gift exchange you will ever give to yourself)!  Let me give you a few examples of opportunities and miracles that happened over my holiday break…

 

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Watch this before your next job interview to get an edge over others who may have more experience than you

Tis the season for job interviewing!

 

Yes, it’s that time of year where companies are finalizing their budgets for next year and with that comes approvals for hiring new jobs.  Are you ready?

 

Check out my appearance earlier this year on the We2Me Divorce Decor Show – I use the metaphor of how getting ready to get back in the dating game after divorce can be just like interviewing for jobs.

 

On the show I share 3 tips for getting ready for job interviews.  You will definitely want to watch this before your next job interview to get an edge over others who may have more experience than you!

 

screen-shot-2016-12-12-at-10-31-54-pm 

 

BTW – here are some blog posts I wrote that will help you to understand my 3 tips even further:

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