Feeling Like You’re Never Enough? Had Enough Of That? Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

My last blog post was all about the value of discovering what fills up your energy tank and learning to nurture yourself without judgement.

 

How’s that going for you?

 

Did you forget all about this because you are just too busy at your job and with your life?

 

Demands around us can be overwhelming for sure.  However believing you’re “too busy” is only a distraction from facing that you may have submitted to a false belief that you have to answer all these demands in an effort to prove your “enough-ness”.  You prove your “enough-ness” by demonstrating your ability to “juggle it all” flawlessly.

 

Let’s face it “juggle it all” simply means keeping other people happy – and we all know it’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time.  What’s really behind this juggling is a fear that we aren’t “enough”.  The juggling distracts us from addressing and healing our sense of “not enough-ness”.  It’s our ego’s desperate quest for “please like me” which can only be experienced when everyone around us knight’s us by declaring “Hear ye, hear ye!  From this day forward let it be known that (insert your full and formal name here) is in fact, a true specimen of ‘enough’ – MORE than ‘enough’!”

 

But the ego is cruel…

 

…the fear it’s desires stem from will only accept approval in a Universal law defying manner.  It seeks approval from situations where approval is not possible due to the Universal law of like energy attracts like energy.  That means that you cannot experience what you don’t believe – so you can’t find yourself in situations where your efforts bring you a sense of peace, accomplishment, and rewards if you hold fear around being “enough”.  The truth is, holding a false belief that you are “not (worthy) enough” in any way can only put you in situations where you will continue to experience the very thing you fear.

 

Ever felt expected to perform impossible feats that stretch your knowledge/skills/abilities/values beyond their limits and only piss insatiable people off in the end no matter what you do?

 

Of course you have – we all have had held that fear of not being enough at one time or another.  We are vulnerable to it when there is a lot of what seems like turmoil happening around us – ESPECIALLY if our livelihood is attached to these situations in any way (i.e. at your job)!

 

Feeling Like You’re Never Enough?  Had Enough Of That?  Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

 

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The Quickest Way to Recover From Feeling Trapped and Burned Out

One thing I learned from self-help pioneer Louise Hay, author of How to Love Yourself, (and countless other self-help books), is that the quickest way to recover from feeling trapped and burned out is to discover (or rediscover), who you are and love yourself for it.  It’s amazing how we change our energy and what we attract when we shift how we view and care for ourselves.

 

In a blog post I wrote earlier this year, I introduced you to the idea of operating from energy vs. effort.  In that post, I asked you which of these 2 formulas were you following at your job…

 

Aptitude (what you can do)

+ Motivation (what you can gain or need to perform)

= Effort (hard work)

 

or

 

Attitude (what you believe about yourself and others)

+ Intention (what you believe others can gain as a result of your contributions)

= Energy (what you effortlessly give to others and attract for yourself in return)

 

Here’s a secret I didn’t share with you in that post – neither formula works optimally without one more factor.  That factor is fulfillment.

 

Fulfillment, in the sense I am referring to, is defined in the dictionary as follows:

  • to make full
  • to meet the requirements of 

 

Practicing fulfillment is about

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The real danger of not fitting in at work

Do you perceive danger for not fitting in with the herd?  We all have felt this at one time or another within our families right?  Heck, there’s even a name for those who don’t follow the family status quo – they’re called the “black sheep” of the family.  At work we might call the one who marches to the beat of a different drummer “the innovator”, “the independent contributor”, or the “creative-types”.

 

“If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.”  Henry David Thoreau

 

Focusing on …

 

aptitude vs. attitude, motivation vs. intention, and effort vs. energy as explained in my last post…

 

… aligns you with exhaustion, cynicism and feeling like everything is an uphill battle because accomplishment is perceived as possible when you ignore or quiet a full exploration and understanding of who you are and what you actually have to effortlessly offer (and be valued for in return).  Consider two different equations:

 

Aptitude (what you can do)

+ Motivation (what you can gain or need to perform)

= Effort (hard work)

 

or

 

Attitude (what you believe about yourself and others)

+ Intention (what you believe others can gain as a result of your contributions)

= Energy (what you effortlessly give to others and attract for yourself in return)

 

Which formula have you habitually followed at work?

 

Have you settled for understanding what you can do/should do/what you believe others expect of you?  Have you focused on what YOU can get or what you need to perform – whining like a baby whenever you don’t get what you need to work hard?  Have you worked so hard that you are now exhausted, cynical and feeling like no matter what you accomplish it’s never enough?

 

Why would you settle for that?  I’ll tell you why.  Because you have falsely perceived danger in not fitting in with the status quo.

 

When we have fear about fitting in – we don’t fit in.  Thinking about fitting in from a place of fear puts all our eggs in the “what’s happening out there is what determines my fate” in here (in this workplace), basket.  Thinking about fitting in from fear still makes us seen as different, but not a good different like Prince, Lady Gaga, David Bowie, or any other admired person of your choice.  Those folks were well-admired and revered whether you like their music or not because they came to perceive the opposite of fear of fitting in – they perceived positively standing out.  Having their uniqueness fully discovered and offered in service to others is what got them celebrated in return.

 

In the workplace, fear of fitting in manifests into us being experienced by others as a performance problem.  That only leads to termination (a quick one if you’re lucky), or endless disabilities and bottomless pits in our stomaches when we think about work.

 

But that’s nothing – we can heal from all of that (granted we will probably only repeat the same pattern at another employer – but that’s another blog post).

 

Here’s the real danger of not fitting in at work…

 

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Got skills? Highly motivated? Working hard? Still not reaping the rewards you deserve? Of course you aren’t, here’s why…

“My success isn’t a result of arrogance – it’s a result of belief.”  Conor McGregor

 

Do you believe that success comes easily when you have some special talent or ability?  Do you believe that motivation is key?  Do you believe it is a by-product of hard work?  Early in my career, I believed those things.  Actually, I still believe success is possible with any of those things – it’s also exhausting, not fun, and can leave you vulnerable for feeling like you ultimately don’t matter anyway no matter how well you get paid.

 

In my many years as an HR executive I have witnessed countless people who were facing performance counseling become upset about not being valued because of…

 

  • what they could do (but of course, weren’t being utilized to their full ability)
  • they are self-motivated (“My boss pays no attention to me and still I get my work done”)
  • how hard they work (they felt they worked hard – why didn’t anyone else?)

 

“How dare other people not see all these wonderful things about me!” was the bubble fixated over their head while they were in their performance counseling meeting.

 

Often, what people fail to absorb is that what you do is never more important than how you impact others.  What you do will never give you power – only this will…

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Tired and burned out at the end of the day? Trapped in your job? That’s just bananas!

“Most of the world has gotten just enough of the bananas to permanently trap themselves right where they are.”  Dr. David Hawkins

 

One of my favorite authors is Dr. David Hawkins.  I recently started reading his latest book Success Is For You:  Using Heart-Centered Power Principles for Lasting Abundance and Fulfillment.

 

The book starts out with a reminder of the story about the experiment of a monkey in a cage and his reaction to bananas that were placed just outside the cage just beyond his reach and opposite the side of the cage that had an open door.  If you know this story you will recall that the monkey struggled to reach the bananas ignoring the open door.  He struggled so much he even injured himself by trying to squeeze through the bars of the cage.

 

Dr. Hawkins uses bananas as a metaphor for all the markers of success you can imagine (money, fame, title, recognition, job security, etc.).  Of course, that makes us the “stop at nothing even if it means killing ourselves in the process” monkey and the cage is our “cube” (as in your cubicle/office/workspace – actually, as in your job!)

 

His point…

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Feeling forced to work with (or for) someone you don’t like?  Take your power back by shifting this one thing….

I just got back from a professional conference – it was informative, enlightening, inspiring – everything you want from a conference – but what happened at a panel discussion session was shocking to me….

 

One of the panel experts was talking about how to serve difficult clients – specifically how to get them to be more cordial and respectful even though their usual demeanor is demanding, abrasive, directive, intimidating, and wrapped in a I-know-more-about-your-job-than-you-do, scowl-faced package.  Ever had that experience?  Of course you have.

 

He explained that although he was “directed” by his client to not show some work he had done to the President of their company, he believed a lot of that work offered a solution to the organization’s challenges.  So he decided he would show it (plus the work the client wanted showed), anyway.  Yikes!  (I was loving this story…)

 

Knowing he was going against the client’s expectations – and that it would (no doubt) not go over well with her – he decided he needed to shift the energy between them….

 

…but how?

 

It immediately came to him to find something he appreciated or respected in her – and tell her.  This wasn’t easy for him because she was less than warm and fuzzy and he did not agree with her eye for the work or her approach with people – at all! 

 

But something did come to him.

 

I believe, that because he was clear that his intention was to do what he felt was right for the organization without leaving her feeling belittled, disrespected or judged in any way – an idea about how to shift the energy between them presented itself to him the second she walked into the meeting room….

 

… a big, shiny silver necklace (a power-necklace worthy of Wonder Woman for sure), saved the day!  He stood up and compliment her necklace and how great it looked on her.  And what happened then?

 

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Do dark times at work turn you into a zombie? Wake up, restore, and heal! Here’s how…

Every damp, cold, dark morning, starting around 5AM – sometimes even earlier – millions of people turn into zombies and terrorize corporations and businesses everywhere!

 

You know!  You’ve been among them – they’re everywhere!

 

But…

 

…can you be sure you’re not one of them?  Dun, dun, dun….

 

We all go through dark times – especially with our jobs.  Whether you are tortured by the stress that comes with….

 

  • demands that you stay long into the night – alone in the office building – working to meet a deadline and sacrificing much needed sleep and down time to get it done
  • your brain getting zapped and melted down by aliens with lasers that come from their eyes and mouths – they try to reprogram your brain into doing your job exactly they way they think it should be done – your brain, talents, experience, and skills are no longer required-  just your blind compliance
  • the axe dropping down – yet another under-performing quarter that requires downsizings – it feels like death by a thousand cuts and you feel powerless to do anything about it
  • picking up the slack from under-performing co-workers who suck the life from you like a vampire – leaving you transformed into a crabby, cynical monster yourself

 

Here’s what’s even more scary than facing dark times like these at work…

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Want a to get on a fast-track to a promotion? Promote yourself to creator of your work – here’s the one secret ingredient that gets you there…

Ready to wake up to what makes you unique among your peers?  Ready to breakthrough to being “a creative” for your work vs. “a cautious” at your job?

 

Want a to get on a fast-track to a promotion?  Promote yourself to creator of your work – here’s the one secret ingredient that gets you there …

 

All it takes to be a creator is to be aware of the intention you hold in your mind (and heart) for those who will be impacted by your contribution.

 

Intention is the secret ingredient that sets you apart from others.  Understanding your intention and being able to demonstrate how this intention actually makes the difference you imagine for others wins you favor – even over others who may have more experience than you.  It lets people know “What’s In It For Me (WIIFM) to work with you?”

 

Understanding your intention and performing tasks through that intention (holding that intention in your mind and heart) is doing “your work”.  Those who only complete the tasks within the assigned responsibilities of their job without awareness of the intention they have for others (or who only know an intention they have for themselves – i.e. promotion, bigger bonus, favor with select individuals, etc.),  aren’t doing “their work” (they probably aren’t doing the job as well as they think they are either).  Contribution without intention is not creating – it’s cautious at best – and the rewards that come from being cautious, have no chance of offering you a sustainable sense of fulfillment – not from your job and definitely not from a confident sense of your unique self.

 

Being a creator makes you stand out – and sometimes standing out among others who seem to be just doing their job can be dangerous.

 

So, is “danger” your middle name?  I think it is – no matter if you are a cautious or a creator.  Here’s how…

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Still ready to quit? Want to be transitioned to a job you love much faster and easier? Then stop doing this to yourself …

Warning:  this blog might be tough to read…

 

… but it can help you gain your power back in a job situation you just wanna quit.

 

Buckle up…

 

Identifying with any of the 3 scenarios in my latest blog series about quitting your job is living in agreement that there’s something wrong with your current job, employer, work environment, etc.

 

This erroneously identifies the problem as being outside of yourself leaving you powerless and in victim mode.  Still ready to quit? Want to be transitioned to a job you love much faster and easier?  Then stop doing this to yourself …

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I love that this was said…

“Work is love made visible.  

And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.

For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s hunger.

And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine.

And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man’s ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.”

from The Prophet (on work) by Kahlil Gibran

 

Translation – L.O.V.E. your work - Look Out Vigilantly for Everyone/Everything affected by your contributions.  Doing so also takes great care of you in return.  It introduces you every day to how you make a difference for others.  It also enlightens you to what brings you joy and makes you feel happy and fulfilled.  Happy contributors are those who are valued and enjoy all the materials rewards and markers of success.

 

If you just can’t find it within yourself to do that then you’re better off accepting charity from others who earn a living while practicing L.O.V.E. for their work.  I, however, don’t agree with this part – I don’t believe anyone should just throw in the towel and start accepting charity because they can’t perform their job with L.O.V.E.  Instead, I believe

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