The Quickest Way to Recover From Feeling Trapped and Burned Out

One thing I learned from self-help pioneer Louise Hay, author of How to Love Yourself, (and countless other self-help books), is that the quickest way to recover from feeling trapped and burned out is to discover (or rediscover), who you are and love yourself for it.  It’s amazing how we change our energy and what we attract when we shift how we view and care for ourselves.


In a blog post I wrote earlier this year, I introduced you to the idea of operating from energy vs. effort.  In that post, I asked you which of these 2 formulas were you following at your job…


Aptitude (what you can do)

+ Motivation (what you can gain or need to perform)

= Effort (hard work)




Attitude (what you believe about yourself and others)

+ Intention (what you believe others can gain as a result of your contributions)

= Energy (what you effortlessly give to others and attract for yourself in return)


Here’s a secret I didn’t share with you in that post – neither formula works optimally without one more factor.  That factor is fulfillment.


Fulfillment, in the sense I am referring to, is defined in the dictionary as follows:

  • to make full
  • to meet the requirements of 


Practicing fulfillment is about

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The real danger of not fitting in at work

Do you perceive danger for not fitting in with the herd?  We all have felt this at one time or another within our families right?  Heck, there’s even a name for those who don’t follow the family status quo – they’re called the “black sheep” of the family.  At work we might call the one who marches to the beat of a different drummer “the innovator”, “the independent contributor”, or the “creative-types”.


“If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away.”  Henry David Thoreau


Focusing on …


aptitude vs. attitude, motivation vs. intention, and effort vs. energy as explained in my last post…


… aligns you with exhaustion, cynicism and feeling like everything is an uphill battle because accomplishment is perceived as possible when you ignore or quiet a full exploration and understanding of who you are and what you actually have to effortlessly offer (and be valued for in return).  Consider two different equations:


Aptitude (what you can do)

+ Motivation (what you can gain or need to perform)

= Effort (hard work)




Attitude (what you believe about yourself and others)

+ Intention (what you believe others can gain as a result of your contributions)

= Energy (what you effortlessly give to others and attract for yourself in return)


Which formula have you habitually followed at work?


Have you settled for understanding what you can do/should do/what you believe others expect of you?  Have you focused on what YOU can get or what you need to perform – whining like a baby whenever you don’t get what you need to work hard?  Have you worked so hard that you are now exhausted, cynical and feeling like no matter what you accomplish it’s never enough?


Why would you settle for that?  I’ll tell you why.  Because you have falsely perceived danger in not fitting in with the status quo.


When we have fear about fitting in – we don’t fit in.  Thinking about fitting in from a place of fear puts all our eggs in the “what’s happening out there is what determines my fate” in here (in this workplace), basket.  Thinking about fitting in from fear still makes us seen as different, but not a good different like Prince, Lady Gaga, David Bowie, or any other admired person of your choice.  Those folks were well-admired and revered whether you like their music or not because they came to perceive the opposite of fear of fitting in – they perceived positively standing out.  Having their uniqueness fully discovered and offered in service to others is what got them celebrated in return.


In the workplace, fear of fitting in manifests into us being experienced by others as a performance problem.  That only leads to termination (a quick one if you’re lucky), or endless disabilities and bottomless pits in our stomaches when we think about work.


But that’s nothing – we can heal from all of that (granted we will probably only repeat the same pattern at another employer – but that’s another blog post).


Here’s the real danger of not fitting in at work…


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Got skills? Highly motivated? Working hard? Still not reaping the rewards you deserve? Of course you aren’t, here’s why…

“My success isn’t a result of arrogance – it’s a result of belief.”  Conor McGregor


Do you believe that success comes easily when you have some special talent or ability?  Do you believe that motivation is key?  Do you believe it is a by-product of hard work?  Early in my career, I believed those things.  Actually, I still believe success is possible with any of those things – it’s also exhausting, not fun, and can leave you vulnerable for feeling like you ultimately don’t matter anyway no matter how well you get paid.


In my many years as an HR executive I have witnessed countless people who were facing performance counseling become upset about not being valued because of…


  • what they could do (but of course, weren’t being utilized to their full ability)
  • they are self-motivated (“My boss pays no attention to me and still I get my work done”)
  • how hard they work (they felt they worked hard – why didn’t anyone else?)


“How dare other people not see all these wonderful things about me!” was the bubble fixated over their head while they were in their performance counseling meeting.


Often, what people fail to absorb is that what you do is never more important than how you impact others.  What you do will never give you power – only this will…

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6 Ways to Get Back in The Groove After Your Holiday Haze

Feeling sad that the holidays are over?  I usually feel a bit deflated as I pack away our holiday decor and start the gift exchanging and bill sorting process – but not this year!


This year I am excited about keeping the spirit of miracles (like the ones you might experience during the holidays), in my life!  It’s possible (and simple) when you are clear about what matters most to you and you give up trying to make things happen in exchange for letting them happen for you (this is the best gift exchange you will ever give to yourself)!  Let me give you a few examples of opportunities and miracles that happened over my holiday break…


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Feeling forced to work with (or for) someone you don’t like?  Take your power back by shifting this one thing….

I just got back from a professional conference – it was informative, enlightening, inspiring – everything you want from a conference – but what happened at a panel discussion session was shocking to me….


One of the panel experts was talking about how to serve difficult clients – specifically how to get them to be more cordial and respectful even though their usual demeanor is demanding, abrasive, directive, intimidating, and wrapped in a I-know-more-about-your-job-than-you-do, scowl-faced package.  Ever had that experience?  Of course you have.


He explained that although he was “directed” by his client to not show some work he had done to the President of their company, he believed a lot of that work offered a solution to the organization’s challenges.  So he decided he would show it (plus the work the client wanted showed), anyway.  Yikes!  (I was loving this story…)


Knowing he was going against the client’s expectations – and that it would (no doubt) not go over well with her – he decided he needed to shift the energy between them….


…but how?


It immediately came to him to find something he appreciated or respected in her – and tell her.  This wasn’t easy for him because she was less than warm and fuzzy and he did not agree with her eye for the work or her approach with people – at all! 


But something did come to him.


I believe, that because he was clear that his intention was to do what he felt was right for the organization without leaving her feeling belittled, disrespected or judged in any way – an idea about how to shift the energy between them presented itself to him the second she walked into the meeting room….


… a big, shiny silver necklace (a power-necklace worthy of Wonder Woman for sure), saved the day!  He stood up and compliment her necklace and how great it looked on her.  And what happened then?


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Do dark times at work turn you into a zombie? Wake up, restore, and heal! Here’s how…

Every damp, cold, dark morning, starting around 5AM – sometimes even earlier – millions of people turn into zombies and terrorize corporations and businesses everywhere!


You know!  You’ve been among them – they’re everywhere!




…can you be sure you’re not one of them?  Dun, dun, dun….


We all go through dark times – especially with our jobs.  Whether you are tortured by the stress that comes with….


  • demands that you stay long into the night – alone in the office building – working to meet a deadline and sacrificing much needed sleep and down time to get it done
  • your brain getting zapped and melted down by aliens with lasers that come from their eyes and mouths – they try to reprogram your brain into doing your job exactly they way they think it should be done – your brain, talents, experience, and skills are no longer required-  just your blind compliance
  • the axe dropping down – yet another under-performing quarter that requires downsizings – it feels like death by a thousand cuts and you feel powerless to do anything about it
  • picking up the slack from under-performing co-workers who suck the life from you like a vampire – leaving you transformed into a crabby, cynical monster yourself


Here’s what’s even more scary than facing dark times like these at work…

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What a lazy river taught me about getting what I want in life – here’s how you can get what you want in your life too – maybe even for free!

Last week my husband took some vacation time and we treated our kids to a bunch of different day trips.  One day at the beach, another day with friends, another at the pool, another bowling, mini-golfing and just some goofin’ off.  And on one day we went to a water park in Pennsylvania – this was a magical day for many reasons…


A few things were ideal – the weather was perfect (everything depends on the weather – doesn’t it?), the park wasn’t crowded (turns out some kids in Pennsylvania went back to school a bit earlier than we did in New Jersey – no lines!), and everyone was into it and in a good mood (not easy to get your kids to agree on activities when they are 5.5 years apart and opposite genders).


The look on their faces when we went down the slides together in 1 giant family-sized tube left an indelible imprint on my mind and my heart.  My daughter’s expression of pure joy and excitement with an imaginary bubble over her head that read “again!” before the ride was even over, and my teenage son’s smile that fully exposed his braces practically back to his molars coupled with a high pitched scream over the anticipation of the drops, twists and turns of the slide was priceless!  I’m sure it was priceless for them to see me and my husband go down a massive water slide on our bellies that made my husband go airborne and a major splash of water to my face that left mascara tracks running down my face.


Of course, we didn’t start out the day this adventurous or uninhibited – we started out on the lazy river.  No kid was initially convinced the place wasn’t too baby-ish for them, I had no initial plan to get my hair or face wet (silly me!), and my husband was up for a “lazy river nap session” after the long drive – so the lazy river it was.


On that initial float around the park, I had a breakthrough… (yes, even at the water park on a vacation day in August my mind does not stop observing ways to gain clarity, confidence and conviction to experience a sustainable sense of fulfillment in life).


The lazy river taught me how to get what I wanted in life – here’s what happened…

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Could doing this be the reason you continue to struggle to get the results you want?

Every day I get a daily quote emailed to me from Abraham-Hicks Publications.  This past week I got one that speaks to a principle I teach my clients for how to connect to a sense of purpose and fulfillment from their work.


The quote read:


“When you talk about what you want and why you want it, there’s usually less resistance within you than when you talk about what you want and how you’re going to get it.  When you pose questions you don’t have answers for, like how, where, when, who it sets up a contradictory vibration that slows everything down.”  


What this quote shares is simple – you have control over what and why and almost no control over all the other stuff.


Clouding up your thinking and feelings with things you cannot control like who, when, where and how gunks up the physics of manifesting what you want.


Think about it for yourself – which of these two scenarios would energize you more…

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10 Secret Skills that Build Confidence and Engagement for Your Work…

Continuing on in our countdown of 10 Secret Skills that build confidence and engagement for your work…


Remember, they are a countdown because these are a progressive set of skills that can be developed and practiced in your daily work to connect you to a more vivid sense of personal power – of confidence that what you do makes a difference for others.


As we practice these skills we not only build our confidence, we simultaneously quiet the noise (the self-sabotaging comments) that produces naturally from our brain/ego in response to anything that is expressed from our spirit – our higher self.


So let’s get on with the countdown of  “Secret Skills” – and practice, practice, practice away at them!  Here’s #2 and #1…


Drum roll please….


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What can employees do for themselves to improve their job satisfaction and engagement?

In May of this year, The Society for HR Management released findings from the Employee Job Satisfaction and Engagement: The Road to Economic Recovery research report which conducted a study of 600 randomly selected employees and assessed differences in responses related to the following demographics:

  • age (Millennials – generally refers to those born in the ‘80s/‘90s, Generation X – generally refers to those born in the ‘60s/‘70s, Baby Boomers – generally refers to those born in the ‘40s/‘50s, and Veterans – generally refers to those born in the ‘20s/‘30s)
  • gender
  • job levels (non-management, professional non-management, middle management and executive management)

The study looked at 3 things:

  1. job satisfaction
  2. engagement conditions
  3. engagement opinions and behaviors

Job satisfaction refers to how much study participants are satisfied with their job. Job engagement is defined in the report as “…employees’ connection and commitment to their particular organization”. Engagement is looked at in 2 components:

  1. conditions in the workplace (“the environment and the work itself”)
  2. workers’ opinions and behaviors (“how the employees perceive their relationship with their work, as well as how they view others around them”)

The report included suggestions on what organizations could do to address the findings and close some of the more significant satisfaction gaps. Organizations will ultimately do what they will do to address these findings (or not). Corporate efforts however will never be more powerful than what employees can do for themselves to become satisfied or engaged.

This data can be an inspiration for workers to protect themselves from loss of satisfaction and engagement no matter what their employer ultimately does. Why do it?

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