Feeling Like You’re Never Enough? Had Enough Of That? Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

My last blog post was all about the value of discovering what fills up your energy tank and learning to nurture yourself without judgement.


How’s that going for you?


Did you forget all about this because you are just too busy at your job and with your life?


Demands around us can be overwhelming for sure.  However believing you’re “too busy” is only a distraction from facing that you may have submitted to a false belief that you have to answer all these demands in an effort to prove your “enough-ness”.  You prove your “enough-ness” by demonstrating your ability to “juggle it all” flawlessly.


Let’s face it “juggle it all” simply means keeping other people happy – and we all know it’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time.  What’s really behind this juggling is a fear that we aren’t “enough”.  The juggling distracts us from addressing and healing our sense of “not enough-ness”.  It’s our ego’s desperate quest for “please like me” which can only be experienced when everyone around us knight’s us by declaring “Hear ye, hear ye!  From this day forward let it be known that (insert your full and formal name here) is in fact, a true specimen of ‘enough’ – MORE than ‘enough’!”


But the ego is cruel…


…the fear it’s desires stem from will only accept approval in a Universal law defying manner.  It seeks approval from situations where approval is not possible due to the Universal law of like energy attracts like energy.  That means that you cannot experience what you don’t believe – so you can’t find yourself in situations where your efforts bring you a sense of peace, accomplishment, and rewards if you hold fear around being “enough”.  The truth is, holding a false belief that you are “not (worthy) enough” in any way can only put you in situations where you will continue to experience the very thing you fear.


Ever felt expected to perform impossible feats that stretch your knowledge/skills/abilities/values beyond their limits and only piss insatiable people off in the end no matter what you do?


Of course you have – we all have had held that fear of not being enough at one time or another.  We are vulnerable to it when there is a lot of what seems like turmoil happening around us – ESPECIALLY if our livelihood is attached to these situations in any way (i.e. at your job)!


Feeling Like You’re Never Enough?  Had Enough Of That?  Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…


Go fill up your fulfillment gas tank – STAT!


Practicing fulfillment is about caring for yourself – giving yourself what you need in order to do what you do.  Living and working without a steady stream of fulfillment is like expecting a car to drive without gas.  Let me show you how easy this can be…


If a child told you they were feeling overwhelmed, what would you say to them?


SAY THAT TO YOURSELF!  (Dear Lord I hope you didn’t say “Suck it up kid!”).


When you’re feeling like a kid having a tantrum, give yourself a moment to breath, and let information about what would calm you down reveal itself to you.  Then choose in favor of getting that for yourself.  Learn to give yourself what you need without judgement. Let me say that again 3x for adult learning theory purposes….


give yourself what you need without judgement


Give Yourself What You Need Without Judgement.


Give Yourself What You Need WITHOUT JUDGMENT!!!


Would you judge a tired, overwhelmed child for needing a nap, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a favorite blankie or toy, etc.?  I hope not.


When you are depleted your ego – your inner child – has exhausted itself.  Like kids who nap daily or have a favorite toy of comfort, adults also need a daily flow of  something to restore a depleted energy tank.   Unlike kids, our signals that we “need a nap” aren’t always as clear.  Could that be because as we get older we deny ( and no longer expect)  a need for restorative “comforts” as a way to demonstrate our responsibleness/strength/maturity, etc.  Actually, it doesn’t seem very strong or responsible at all to not recognize our needs or deny them – would you agree?


You’ll know when it’s time to turn your attention to your own love and care because you’ll say things to yourself like:


“No matter what I do, it’s just not enough for this person!”

“This place sucks!”

“People just don’t get me!”

“I’m tired of being overlooked!”

“(INSERT NAME) is just a jerk!”


As you can see – these are “tantrum” phrases – they demonstrate states of anger, resentment, complaint, blame, defeat.  Things we say to ourselves or out loud to people who have nothing to do with our grievances with other people or situations that are under our skin is only a way of not looking at ourselves (our fears, needs, or limitations – all the stuff that if we faced it we might judge ourselves as “inadequate”).


Anytime you are in a tantrum, it’s a sign that you need to stop doing for others and start doing for yourself – cuz what you’re doin’ ain’t workin’ anyway!


Not that it ain’t workin’ for the other person – but because it ain’t working FOR YOU


…for you to see what and where it makes sense for you to offer what you have to give and to stop answering blind calls for help with as much desperation as the request in which it was made.  It’s a learned skill to know just how much help to offer in return for each cry for your help.


Sometimes giving all you have to give it the way to go.  I recommend this when your fulfillment tank is full, your values are aligned with the request, your skills are a match to the need AND you are strong in expecting nothing in return.  It might even be something that it would fill your gas tank to do it – excellent!


Sometimes it’s prudent for you to say “No” to a call for your help.  I recommend you do this anytime your own fulfillment gas tank is empty (doesn’t matter if your skills and values are aligned), and the request would be draining vs. fulfilling.  If you can’t say “No” then renegotiate the request – ask that you get what you need in order to participate fully.


If your fulfillment tank is low and you think “I have to help or they will get mad at me and I don’t wanna deal with that!” Then that’s another sign you need to back off and go take care of yourself for awhile!  Again, renegotiate – ask for what you need in order to participate fully.


Everything we think and say is an affirmation – a spell we cast like a witch who only has power to bring the words they utter about another onto themselves.  Yes – you have no real power over others – only over yourself.  I know that may pop your bubble but it’s true.


When we learn to recognize when we are low on a sense of fulfillment (i.e. out of gas), to stop judging that as bad, and just take it as a clue that it’s time to give ourselves what we need to fuel up, that alone is a way to amp up our energy.  Anything going on in our life or work that truly is contrary to us experiencing a sense of fulfillment will effortlessly go away.   There’s that Universal law of balance at work again – you can only experience what you believe – if you believe you deserve fulfillment – you will find yourself surrounded by people, situations and resources that will support your belief.  Anything contrary will just go away!  The choice is yours.


As I said in my last blog post, when you regularly restore your fulfillment tank you protect yourself from feeling confused, exhausted, cynical, and powerless to get anything done and enable yourself to build your decisiveness, energy, confidence and sense of personal power – no matter what’s happening around you! 


The key to getting clear about what will fulfill us is to first get clear about what it is we actually do intend – for others.  Intention exists in the realm of feelings.


What do you wish those you serve to FEEL as a result of the all the stuff you do?


At work, think about the meetings you sit through, the accreditations you pursue, the forms you fill out or the data you deal with on your computer, the teams you develop, the decisions you make – ALL the hoops you jump through each day.  Why do you do it?  What do you want people to experience because your presence was in something that affected their work?


Once you are clear about what you intend, you have a context from which to identify what you want in order to deliver those feelings to another with ease.


Now think if someone where taking care of you – so that you could provide what you provide for others – what would you want to feel nurtured?


For example – could you want:


  • happy, appreciative customers who trust you
  • a boss who values your perspective and treats you with respect
  • co-workers who share your sense of humor and enrich your mind
  • a strong network of industry professionals who freely share information and resources
  • the title and authority to avoid red tape


Get clear on a few things you want and then, do this for your personal life too!


In life, think about ALL the hoops you jump through each day.  Why do you do it?  What do you want the people you love and care for to experience because your presence was in something that affected their daily life?


Now think if someone where taking care of you – so that you could provide what you provide for others – what would you want to feel nurtured?


For example – could you want:


  • reliable, loving childcare
  • great audio books or music during your commute
  • people who take care of your house so you can have fun on the weekends (cleaning, landscaping, etc.)
  • 6 months worth of income saved
  • time with friends to laugh and forget about daily responsibilities altogether


Nurturing ourselves is as simple as being patient with ourselves as we:

  • discover our signs that we are depleted
  • discover what fills us up
  • practice non-judgment for being depleted
  • practice choosing in favor of the things that fill us up – no matter what the outcome


It’s the discovery and practice of these things that builds your confidence and a sense that you are more than enough!




Give yourself everything you can to keep a steady stream of positive energy flowing into your tank – it’s easy when you take The Passion Test step-by-step, live with me!


The Passion Test is the #1 process worldwide for discovering and unleashing things that fill your fuel tank.  It’s simple, powerful, and fun to do!  During this program you’ll discover:


Clarity about your 5 things that can fill up your energy tank (with premium gas), plus the tools to effortlessly choose in favor of them – without guilt!


If you feel ready to put some gas in your tank – then you will love taking The Passion Test!


Here’s what I’ve heard people say about taking The Passion Test:


  • “I learned HOW to make choices that make me feel aligned with what matters most to me”
  • “I feel reconnected with passions that I have lost site of because I let other people’s needs and agendas take me over”
  • “I let go of the guilt of doing what I love”


The Passion Test offers you the opportunity to:

  • connect to what matters most for you to feel fulfilled in the life you have right now – get some energy in your empty fulfillment tank!
  • get your priorities for happiness and success straight
  • live life from what matters most to you (and stop living from everyone else’s agenda)


$297 includes:  downloadable video to prepare for your coaching sessions, 1 download of a .pdf tool, plus 2 live up to 60 minute video-conferencing coaching sessions live with me.


Email me at gina@indigoforce.com to register!


About Gina Calvano

Gina Calvano is a certified coach and Senior Professional in Human Resources, with over 20 years of experience as a talent management professional in both the private and non-profit sectors. With a unique approach, she combines her strategic corporate expertise and accreditations with metaphysics and transformational thinking which has resulted in people all over the world feeling good about themselves and connected to a sense of purpose.

She created the Success Readiness Bootcamp™, a step by step process that enables people to easily discover their unique talents and abilities and match them to majors, jobs, industries and leisure pursuits. Gina is also the co-author of Breakthrough! Inspirational Strategies for an Audaciously Authentic Life with NY Times Best Selling Authors Marci Shimoff, Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood and Powerful Connections Made Easy™ with Aprille Trupiano, and is currently working on her next book — Caged in My Cube: The Turnaround Guide For Loving The Job You Hate.

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