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Feeling Like You’re Never Enough? Had Enough Of That? Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

My last blog post was all about the value of discovering what fills up your energy tank and learning to nurture yourself without judgement.

 

How’s that going for you?

 

Did you forget all about this because you are just too busy at your job and with your life?

 

Demands around us can be overwhelming for sure.  However believing you’re “too busy” is only a distraction from facing that you may have submitted to a false belief that you have to answer all these demands in an effort to prove your “enough-ness”.  You prove your “enough-ness” by demonstrating your ability to “juggle it all” flawlessly.

 

Let’s face it “juggle it all” simply means keeping other people happy – and we all know it’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time.  What’s really behind this juggling is a fear that we aren’t “enough”.  The juggling distracts us from addressing and healing our sense of “not enough-ness”.  It’s our ego’s desperate quest for “please like me” which can only be experienced when everyone around us knight’s us by declaring “Hear ye, hear ye!  From this day forward let it be known that (insert your full and formal name here) is in fact, a true specimen of ‘enough’ – MORE than ‘enough’!”

 

But the ego is cruel…

 

…the fear it’s desires stem from will only accept approval in a Universal law defying manner.  It seeks approval from situations where approval is not possible due to the Universal law of like energy attracts like energy.  That means that you cannot experience what you don’t believe – so you can’t find yourself in situations where your efforts bring you a sense of peace, accomplishment, and rewards if you hold fear around being “enough”.  The truth is, holding a false belief that you are “not (worthy) enough” in any way can only put you in situations where you will continue to experience the very thing you fear.

 

Ever felt expected to perform impossible feats that stretch your knowledge/skills/abilities/values beyond their limits and only piss insatiable people off in the end no matter what you do?

 

Of course you have – we all have had held that fear of not being enough at one time or another.  We are vulnerable to it when there is a lot of what seems like turmoil happening around us – ESPECIALLY if our livelihood is attached to these situations in any way (i.e. at your job)!

 

Feeling Like You’re Never Enough?  Had Enough Of That?  Here’s How To Stop That Feeling…

 

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You can work smarter not harder. Here’s how…

This month’s blog posts are all about practicing the alternative to joining the burnout club which is joining the strengthen your emotional awareness club.  In that club you find peace and strength in owning what you believe about yourself, the people you work with, and your job situation.  As I said in my last post, “emotional well-being for your work has nothing to do with your job.

 

If you aren’t first emotionally aware of what your work is – the ultimate impact you wish to have on those you serve – then you have restricted your chances of feeling at peace about your job – the place you show up at every day in exchange for wages.

 

Remember, developing greater emotional awareness is a process – like anything else – and my 3 STEP process can help you get there:

 

STEP #1 - realize what you are thinking and feeling

STEP #2 - care for yourself AND others (or maybe it’s better said as for others AND yourself)

STEP #3- just say no – YES! Show favor for what you want – not what you don’t want.

 

Last blog post we looked at STEP #1.  In this post, let’s look closer at STEP #2 which is about learning how to advocate for yourself as well as for others (or others as well as yourself).  STEP #2 has nothing to do with feats of emotional strength that might include a Mr. Universe ability to kiss ass (don’t make any waves), or kill others with kindness niceness (even though you are really disgusted by their behavior) – remember kindness offers truth and caring).  STEP #2 also has nothing to do with developing killer corporate politics instincts such as the fine art of looking out for #1 at the expense of others while making it all look like you care about others or corporate initiatives.  If you are all about yourself at work – trust me, everyone knows it and you are fooling no one.

 

STEP #2 is actually about

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Got skills? Highly motivated? Working hard? Still not reaping the rewards you deserve? Of course you aren’t, here’s why…

“My success isn’t a result of arrogance – it’s a result of belief.”  Conor McGregor

 

Do you believe that success comes easily when you have some special talent or ability?  Do you believe that motivation is key?  Do you believe it is a by-product of hard work?  Early in my career, I believed those things.  Actually, I still believe success is possible with any of those things – it’s also exhausting, not fun, and can leave you vulnerable for feeling like you ultimately don’t matter anyway no matter how well you get paid.

 

In my many years as an HR executive I have witnessed countless people who were facing performance counseling become upset about not being valued because of…

 

  • what they could do (but of course, weren’t being utilized to their full ability)
  • they are self-motivated (“My boss pays no attention to me and still I get my work done”)
  • how hard they work (they felt they worked hard – why didn’t anyone else?)

 

“How dare other people not see all these wonderful things about me!” was the bubble fixated over their head while they were in their performance counseling meeting.

 

Often, what people fail to absorb is that what you do is never more important than how you impact others.  What you do will never give you power – only this will…

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Want a to get on a fast-track to a promotion? Promote yourself to creator of your work – here’s the one secret ingredient that gets you there…

Ready to wake up to what makes you unique among your peers?  Ready to breakthrough to being “a creative” for your work vs. “a cautious” at your job?

 

Want a to get on a fast-track to a promotion?  Promote yourself to creator of your work – here’s the one secret ingredient that gets you there …

 

All it takes to be a creator is to be aware of the intention you hold in your mind (and heart) for those who will be impacted by your contribution.

 

Intention is the secret ingredient that sets you apart from others.  Understanding your intention and being able to demonstrate how this intention actually makes the difference you imagine for others wins you favor – even over others who may have more experience than you.  It lets people know “What’s In It For Me (WIIFM) to work with you?”

 

Understanding your intention and performing tasks through that intention (holding that intention in your mind and heart) is doing “your work”.  Those who only complete the tasks within the assigned responsibilities of their job without awareness of the intention they have for others (or who only know an intention they have for themselves – i.e. promotion, bigger bonus, favor with select individuals, etc.),  aren’t doing “their work” (they probably aren’t doing the job as well as they think they are either).  Contribution without intention is not creating – it’s cautious at best – and the rewards that come from being cautious, have no chance of offering you a sustainable sense of fulfillment – not from your job and definitely not from a confident sense of your unique self.

 

Being a creator makes you stand out – and sometimes standing out among others who seem to be just doing their job can be dangerous.

 

So, is “danger” your middle name?  I think it is – no matter if you are a cautious or a creator.  Here’s how…

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I love that this was said…

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”  John Wooden

 

When you put your energy and focus into your job – you might think that your job and performing it well is the thing that matters most – it’s WHAT you do after all – right?  Shouldn’t it be enough that you are efficient, timely, pleasant, reliable and consistent in meeting your goals?  So why does that usually place you in the middle of the performance management bell curve?

 

People who are top performers – whether they realize it or not – are contributors who see their job as HOW they perform “their work”.  The job is HOW – “their work” is WHAT.  They are very clear about what it is they ultimately enable another to feel or experience because of their contribution.  That feeling or experience transcends tasks.  It is the passion they have in the heart while they do the tasks that provide the context for their contribution.

 

Being focused on your job tends is reputation-building (reputation-offering) business.  Your reputation only exists in the past – your past performance.  Being focused on “your work” is character-building (character-offering) business.  Your character exists in the present – IT IS your presence.

 

Which business are you in?

 

 

Want some help discovering “your work”?

 

 

Sign up today for a Career Success Insight (“CSI”) session.

 

 

In this initial 60 minute tele-coaching session we go through an exercise to help you gain insight into what “your work” truly is.  “ Your work” is the mission of your highest self – what you ultimately want to enable for others and be valued for in return .

 

 

Your sense of sustainable fulfillment is more easily realized when you recognize and take advantage of opportunities related to your career, job and work environment where you can contribute and be valued for “your work”.  These opportunities are easier to spot when you know what “your work” actually is.

 

 

From this session you will get a key clue about “your work” in the form language that you can use on your resume, in cover letters, thank you notes and even in actual interviews.  It conveys to employers what you can actually be counted on for – no matter what!

 

 

This session is offered to new clients at $47.  Plus, I offer you the opportunity to secure additional sessions with me at a preferred rate if you find more coaching would be helpful.  If you purchase any additional sessions I will apply the $47 you paid from your CSI session to your next purchase!

 

 

Sign me up now! (call me or send me an email to set up your session today!)

 

 

Best wishes for your sustainable success and happiness!

Ready to quit? Maybe you should – here’s how to know…

To quit or not to quit – that is the question

 

In my last blog I offered you the opportunity to understand the importance of adopting a daily recovery strategy This strategy will help you to recharge after the daily, draining demands of your job.  Not engaging in an active plan to recover is like making daily purchases on your debit or credit card but never adding any money into your accounts.  Eventually the bank will shut you down and you will risk bankruptcy and maybe even exposure as being fraudulent in your practices.

 

Yes – the effects of draining job demands are cumulative.  It’s a debt that racks up and eventually it manifests as health issues (exhaustion, susceptible to common infections such as colds and flus, gastro-intestinal problems, back/neck/shoulder pain, panic and anxiety disorders, depression – to name a few), if left unaddressed.  The truth is you can recover and heal from the daily affects of your job – especially if you are going through a tough time that you know will soon pass.

 

But what if your not so sure this tough time at work is a passing phase?  Do you have this unsettled feeling about your job?  Are the demanding conditions an expected way of life (and it’s not what you want for your life)?  Is your fight or flight instinct is kicking in?  Are you wanting to run (quietly and quickly) or stirring up a heap of trouble due to feeling backed into that same corner where all the other “misunderstood and undervalued” employees are hanging out (are you fighting with some poor souls who deserve it – and even some who don’t)?  Maybe the time has come to make a drastic move – right out the company front door.

 

(Almost) convinced you’re ready to quit?  Maybe you should – here’s how to know…

 

2 factors that matter greatly for deciding if you should stay or go -even without another job lined up are:

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I love that this was said…

In Napoleon Hill’s famous book – Think and Grow Rich he points out that . . .

 

Thoughts + Feelings + Actions + Faith = Results

 

So what we think, feel, do and believe = our reality

 

How is not part of the equation!

 

In other words, if you can imagine it, wrap some passion around it, get into action in support of it, and stay faithful/hopeful that you will achieve it (and not let how trip you up too much) – you will get it – always.

 

It is important to know that whatever you want is given 100% of the time in the form of an opportunity not in the form of a result.  Results are a by-product of our thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs.

 

When we figure out enough how ideas (I like to think of 3 things I can do immediately to get things rolling), to get us in the right kinds of activity and energy for experiencing our what AND we stay open to more how idea showing up as we go along – and we take advantage of them when they do show up – we sustain our clarity, confidence and conviction for what we want. We stay more certain of what we want and that we will have it if we stay motivated to persist in achieving it.

 

We come to know that, by staying the course, our results could be as great as, or even better than, anything we could have initially imagined.

 

If you are feeling stuck in any area of your life – see if spending more time getting clear on what you want and taking 3 steps to make it happen helps you recognize opportunities that already exist around you for making what you want happen in a faster, more vivid way.

 

Want some help discovering “your what”?

 

Sign up today for a Confident Life Choices session.

 

Connect to a sense of purpose through identifying and living in support of 5 intentions that matter most for you to feel valued and fulfilled in the life you have right now.  Perfect for getting your priorities for happiness and success straight and living life from them (and stop living from everyone else’s agenda).

 

This session is offered to new clients at $97.  Plus, I offer you the opportunity to secure additional sessions with me at a preferred rate if you find more coaching would be helpful.

 

Sign me up now! (call me or send me an email to set up your session today!)

 

Best wishes for your sustainable success and happiness!

I love that this was said…

“You cannot sell your soul, but you can sell your awareness of it.  You cannot perceive your soul (you can only know it), but you will not know it while you perceive something else as more valuable.”  from A Course In Miracles

 

 

What might you value more than happiness and fulfillment from your work?

 

 

The truth is happiness and fulfillment from our work is among the most important things we are here to experience – it is necessary for the growth, development and the lasting elevation of our consciousness.  Unlike conditional things like promotions, pay increases, vacations, alcohol, drugs, video games, shopping, music, etc. which only numbs our lower consciousness (the feelings produced by our ego such as shame, guilt, hopelessness, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride) or elevates our consciousness temporarily.  Remove the condition and there we are – our old selves pining for a sustainable source of higher personal power.

 

 

What are the reasons you stay – not in a job you don’t like – but in a belief that the job you are in isn’t likable – is beneath you – is too much/many ___________ (fill in the blank)?

 

 

A job is a job – it has no meaning but it does have true value.  The value it provides is the opportunity it gives you to be a part of something bigger.  Whether that’s an ability to serve a cause that matters to you, to provide for your family, or to enable you to affiliate with a community of people you care about learning from and giving to.

 

 

A job enables you to experience being assigned a slice of responsibility that is a part of a larger organization.  That slice of responsibility involves tasks – and tasks are not a part of you either – they don’t define you in any way.  What does define you is “your work” – which is what you do easily and can’t stop doing no matter what happens in your life for the people you impact in that job.  “Your work” is what you do that no one else who was in that job could bring to it – not in the way you could.

I love that this was said…

“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it.  Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality.  It can be no other way.  This is not Philosophy.  This is Physics.”  Albert Einstein

 

If your current place of employment truly does not appreciate a full force demonstration of your best talents – then all the more reason to persist in giving them at 100% (yes, even without respect or rewards) because in your persistence to give your talents will enable your energy to no longer resonate with that employer.  As a result, you will notice  opportunities for employment with people/places that will value what you have to offer – this is a law of physics!

 

You simply have nothing to lose except “terrible” attitude syndrome (your own or other’s attitudes that are directed at you) and a job that would never have made you happy and never enabled you to earn all the rewards you can possible earn for your amazing talents. Maybe you are right – maybe your job and your talents are not a good match at all – but a poor match doesn’t in fact make the job or employer “bad” – it’s just not “good for you – which also means you are not “good” for the job or employer.

 

So are you giving your talents at 100%?  Don’t desire or be thankful for a job you love – be thankful to love what you do that can make a difference for others and have gratitude for about 40 hours of opportunity to provide that to others every week.  The return is sustained fulfillment, happiness and success beyond anything you can possibly imagine right now – free from worry about job changes or job loss.

Feel like everyone else’s agenda runs your day and you can’t get anything done at work? You can break this cycle – here’s how…

Do you feel incompetent, insufficient, discouraged or powerless to get done what you need to or want to accomplish?  Welcome to inefficacy.

 

How much would you agree with these statements:

 

  • I accomplish the things that really matter every day at work.
  • I have the resources I need to get my job done.
  • I feel supported and encouraged at work by my colleagues.
  • I value my contributions at work.
  • Others value my contributions at work.
  • I feel qualified to do my job.
  • I feel I can handle anything that may come up in my job.
  • It’s ok to contribute to others in my unique way.
  • My job matters.
  • I play an active role in addressing issues that come up related to my work or workplace.

 

If your degree of agreement with many of the statements above is low, you may be at risk for experiencing a feeling of powerlessness at your job which can lead to disengagement and eventually burnout.

 

Feeling powerless at work is especially concerning because it can directly affect the quality of your work.  We all know when the quality of your work falls, we stand out – and not in a good way.  In my experience, management tends to tolerate a degree of cynicism from workers who are still producing strong results – and everyone can easily empathize with exhaustion because we all experience it from time to time.  But when you don’t produce – your boss isn’t producing – so it’s a problem that quickly gets noticed.

 

Although there is a lot an organization can do to improve an employee’s ability to recover more quickly from inefficacy – but often it’s left to the individual to “shape up or ship out.”  It usually goes down something like this “It might be a tough time/situation, but your _____________________ (fill in the blank with some negatively perceived quality you may have – i.e. anger, complaining, lack of confidence, unwillingness to participate, etc.), isn’t helping.”

 

The organization often sees feelings of powerlessness as the employee’s problem to fix – not theirs.  Organizations tend to do their part by starting performance counseling – a “talking to”, poor reviews,  written documentation, demotion, etc. or threats of those things come your way to put you on notice that you need to improve.

 

So, do you feel like everyone else’s agenda runs your day and you can’t get anything done at work?  You can break this cycle – here’s how…

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